Month: December 2013

Holy Grail: Maybelline Color Tattoo 24 Hour Cream Eyeshadow Review

Maybelline Color Tattoo 24 hour Cream Eyeshadows, available at any drugstore $6.99. Top (L to R): Tough as Taupe, Bad to the Bronze, Audacious Asphalt Bottom (L to R): Barely Branded, Inked in Pink, Pomegranate Punk Photo Credit: JessieCate Photography
Maybelline Color Tattoo 24 hour Cream Eyeshadows, available at any drugstore $6.99.
Top (L to R): Tough as Taupe, Bad to the Bronze, Audacious Asphalt
Bottom (L to R): Barely Branded, Inked in Pink, Pomegranate Punk
Photo Credit: JessieCate Photography

OH. MY. GOD. These are my absolute favorite cream eyeshadows on the planet!! Maybelline has struck pure eyeshadow gold in creating this product! I actually like them better than the MAC Paint Pots, and I’ll get into that in just a minute. You can find these Maybelline Color Tattoos in any drugstore, and at $6.99, it’s a freaking STEAL!

These cream eyeshadows come in a great range of colors (15 total), with most of them being shimmery, but there are some matte colors in the collection. As you can see, I have 6 colors, and there are still a few I need to go get! These come in a sturdy glass pot with a screw on top. The only problem I find with the packaging is that it can be tricky, at times, to ensure the top is screwed on tightly so they don’t dry out.

The texture of this cream eyeshadow is almost identical to the MAC paint pots, except I find it to be just a tad bit denser. They are very pigmented and slide onto the lid so easily. They are so super simple to swipe across the lid. I like to blend the colors too! Mainly, I find myself using Bad to the Bronze on the lid, and then squeezing Pomegranate Punk into the outer corner and the into the crease. They blend seamlessly.

Maybelline Color Tattoo 24 hour Cream Eyeshadows, available at any drugstore $6.99. Swatches (L to R): Barely Branded, Inked in Pink, Pomegranate Punk, Tough as Taupe, Bad to the Bronze, Audacious Asphalt Photo Credit: JessieCate Photography
Maybelline Color Tattoo 24 hour Cream Eyeshadows, available at any drugstore $6.99.
Swatches (L to R): Barely Branded, Inked in Pink, Pomegranate Punk, Tough as Taupe, Bad to the Bronze, Audacious Asphalt
Photo Credit: JessieCate Photography

The Color Tattoos can function on their own or as an eyeshadow base. Personally, I use the Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion underneath because I tend to have oily eye lids. But, once these set, they DO NOT MOVE ALL DAY LONG! They don’t claim to be waterproof on the packaging, but these really stay all day long, and water, alone, will not get them off! I love that about these products! Even more, I find that when I use them as a layering product, they really create dimension in the shadow. I tend to put a similar color on top of whichever one I’m using that day, and it just gives you a really saturated color on the eyes which stays put all day. Here’s a picture of where I used Inked in Pink on the lid and Pomegranate Punk on the outer corner and in the crease, which I then covered with MAC’s Sable and MAC’s Coppering, respectively.

Inked in Pink on the lid (layered with MAC Sable) and Pomegranate Punk on the outer corner and crease (layered with MAC Coppering)
Inked in Pink on the lid (layered with MAC Sable) and
Pomegranate Punk on the outer corner and crease (layered with MAC Coppering)

I absolutely believe these are a great dupe for the MAC paint pots because the consistency is so similar. The reason why I like them better than MAC is that they feel more pigmented. Specifically, Barely Branded (Maybelline) is the exact same color as MAC’s Bare Study. With Bare Study I have to use two or three applications, whereas with Barely Branded, I only need one thin coat. This conserves your product, and with the MAC ones being $20.00/each, I just think Maybelline hits the jackpot here.

I recently took my little 13-year-old cousin makeup shopping since she’s just now getting into makeup, and the Maybelline Color Tattoo in Bad to the Bronze was one of the first things I purchased her. She loves it, and was even concerned her Mom would steal it! Haha! I showed her how to layer it with similarly toned shadows, and she’s been rocking this look like a champ! Whether you are just starting out in makeup or are a seasoned veteran, this product is so user friendly, and gives you a great jumping off point to build upon. I will continue to repurchase these over and over again!

Hope you enjoyed this review! Let me know in the comments which Maybelline Color Tattoo you are currently using!

Stay Glittery, Beauties!

xoxo,

Candice

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Snow Angel Tutorial (blue-grey smokey eye)

Hello, beauties! After posting this photograph on Instagram and Facebook, I received a lot of requests for a tutorial. Since we haven’t ventured into YouTube just yet, here is the BitterGlitter photo tutorial to achieve this look! **disclaimer: there are a lot of photos, but I wanted to give y’all as close of a step-by-step as possible. also, please excuse all the “makeup” faces (you know, mouth open!)**

The Original Look:

The Original Look from @BitterGlitterBlog on Instagram.
The Original Look from @BitterGlitterBlog on Instagram.

Step 1: Using an angled brush, fill in your eyebrows using light feathery strokes with whatever product you normally use. I am using “Wedge” by MAC because I already have pretty full and dark brows, so I just want to fill in the sparsest areas with the lightest hand. Using a brush or spooli, spray your brush with hairspray to set the brows. Brow gel? You really don’t need it. Hairspray works just fine!

Wedge by MAC
Wedge by MAC
Fill in Brows
Fill in Brows
Set Brows
Set Brows

Step 2: Fill in the crease completely with a matte medium grey, extending the color out past the eye. (don’t worry, we will eventually blend this so you won’t look like you have makeup all over your face). Here, I’m using the color “Thunder” from the Sleek Makeup i-Divine Ultra Matte V2 palette, available here.

"Thunder" by Sleek
“Thunder” by Sleek
Fill in Crease
Fill in Crease

Snow Angel

Step 3: Build the color in your crease using a matte navy color, specifically concentrating more on the outside corner of the crease. You will also extend this color past the eye. I’m using “Ink” from the Sleek Makeup i-Divine Ultra Matte V2 palette, available here.

"Ink" from the Sleek Ultra Matte V2 Palette
“Ink” from the Sleek Ultra Matte V2 Palette

Snow Angel

Still looking crazy! Don't worry, keep going!
Still looking crazy! Don’t worry, keep going!

Step 4: Next, take a shimmery blue-grey-purple color all over the lid, and underneath the eye. I’m using the Stila color “Night Sky” from the “In the Light” Palette, available here

"Night Sky" from Stila's In the Light Palette
“Night Sky” from Stila’s In the Light Palette

Snow Angel

Take it under the eye too.
Take it under the eye too.

Snow Angel

Step 5: With a concentrated angled brush, take a dark black or dark charcoal brown matte shadow into the outer “v” of the eye. The outer “v” can be found on that very outer corner of the eye, spanning the top of the crease then connecting to the end of the brow line and back to the lower base of the bottom lashes.

MAC "Typewriter"
MAC “Typewriter”

Snow AngelSnow Angel

STOP HERE AND BLEND! BLEND! BLEND! Use small circular motions all over the lid with a clean crease brush. Blend from the outer corner toward the inner corner to lessen the appearance of any harsh lines. This will also “smoke” out your look a bit.

BLEND!!! BLEND!!! BLEND!!!
BLEND!!! BLEND!!! BLEND!!!

Step 6: Take a blue eyeliner and trace the shape you want your liner to eventually become. This is a great tip for any smokey eye look to help give you a guide before you put on dark liner. I like a winged out effect on a smokey eye, so I used NYC’s Kohl Eyeliner Pencil in “In the Navy” #924, available at any drugstore. Using this color, I traced along the lashes and out toward the end of the brow to create a more almond-shaped eye. I also took that color under the eyes and connected it at the winged corner.

NYC Kohl Eyeliner Pencil in "In the Navy" #924
NYC Kohl Eyeliner Pencil in “In the Navy” #924
And under the eye too.
And under the eye too.

Step 7: Go back into the shimmery blue-grey-purple color you’ve chosen with a concentrated angled brush, and trace over the blue eyeliner you’ve just applied. This won’t erase the color, but it will help to camouflage your line and set that liner. I used “Night Sky” from the Stila “In the Light” Palette, available here.

Back to "Night Sky" by Stila
Back to “Night Sky” by Stila

Snow Angel

Step 8:  Trace the blue eyeliner line with a black kohl pencil. Here, I’m using an old L’oreal one in “Onyx” from the drugstore. It’s my favorite black liner, and all the writing has rubbed off. Also, take this black liner into the waterline on the lower lashes.

L'Oreal Black Pencil in Onyx.
L’Oreal Black Pencil in Onyx.
And on the waterline.
And on the waterline.
Connect the top and bottom liner.
Connect the top and bottom liner.

Step 9: Using the Stila Snow Angel Palette, I used the shimmery true grey color (sorry, I don’t have the name of it, but you can find it here, even though it was a 2012 seasonal item). Use this shimmery grey with an angled brush to smudge out the black liner and smoke it out a bit. This will also smudge out the harshness of the black. Do the same thing under the eye along the bottom lashes.

Stila Snow Angel Palette
Stila Snow Angel Palette

Snow AngelSnow Angel

Step 10: Curl your lashes. I use a Sally Hansen eyelash curler, and it works great.

Curl those lashes!
Curl those lashes!

Step 11: Put on your favorite mascara, two coats. I’m using Tarte’s “Lights Camera Lashes Statement Mascara” which is my absolute favorite right now!! You can find it here.

Tarte Lights Camera Lashes
Tarte Lights Camera Lashes

Snow Angel

Put on your lashes, ladies!!
Put on your lashes, ladies!!
TWO coats! :)
TWO coats! 🙂

Step 12: Using “Shroom” by MAC, highlight your brow-bone with a regular shadow brush.

"Shroom" by MAC
“Shroom” by MAC

Snow Angel

Step 13: Using a small liner brush or small shadow brush, highlight the inner corner of the eye. My absolute FAVORITE for this task is Stila’s “Kitten,” found in the “In the Light” palette, available here, or the Stila Snow Angel Palette, available here.

Stila "Kitten"
Stila “Kitten”

Snow Angel

Step 14: I like to go back in with a highlighting or brightening concealer to clean up any fall out and/or brighten the eye area. So, here I’ve gone in with the L’Oreal Magic Lumi Concealer in a tiger stripe fashion, and then blending out with my Real Techniques Concealer Brush and my fingers. I’ve reviewed the L’Oreal Magic Lumi here, if you’re interested.

Magic Lumi Brightening Concealer
Magic Lumi Brightening Concealer

ML

Real Techniques Concealer Brush
Real Techniques Concealer Brush

Snow Angel

Finished Product:

Finished Product!
Finished Product!
Finished Snow Angel Look.
Finished Snow Angel Look.

Hope you’ve enjoyed this tutorial! Please let me know your feedback! And, if you’ve recreated this look, Tweet it to me @_Bitter_Glitter or tag me on Instagram @BitterGlitterBlog.

CHEERS, Y’ALL!!

CHEERS!
CHEERS!

Stay Glittery, Beauties!!

xoxo,

Candice

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Boots Botanics Gentle Cleansing Cream Ultra Calm Review

Boots Botanics Gentle Cleansing Cream Ultra Calm, available at Target $7.49. Photo Credit: JessieCate Photography
Boots Botanics Gentle Cleansing Cream Ultra Calm, available at Target $7.49.
Photo Credit: JessieCate Photography

I was so super excited to try this cleansing cream from the Boots Botanics line. Unfortunately, this one just doesn’t make the cut for me.

What it claims to do: “Gently sweeps away make up and impurities without drying or upsetting delicate skin, leaving it soft, soothed, and comforted. Active plant extract, marshmallow, contains natural sugars and polyphenols that helps calm skin.

Directions: “Massage onto dry skin over face and neck. Gently remove with tissues.

First, this stuff smells so good. It smells very herbal and a little sweet, yet fresh and clean. The consistency of the product is lotion-like, not nearly as thick as body butter or a thick hand cream, but more the consistency of a regular liquid-y body lotion.

Boots Botanics Gentle Cleansing Cream Ultra Calm, available at Target $7.49. Photo Credit: JessieCate Photography
Boots Botanics Gentle Cleansing Cream Ultra Calm, available at Target $7.49.
Photo Credit: JessieCate Photography

The major problem I have with this stuff is that it does NOT remove makeup. AT ALL. I applied it all over my face, and then used the large cotton pads to remove it. I went through the same process twice, and I still had a ton of makeup on my face. This required me to use two additional products before washing my face just to remove the makeup. One to remove the sticky residue that it left behind, and another to actually remove my makeup. Nobody likes a three step makeup removal process. So, it just really missed the mark for me. The sticky residue only remained for a minute or two, but I’m not a fan of my face feeling sticky!

It also contains a warning on the label that it should NOT be used around the eye area. I saw that when I was thinking of purchasing it, and it somewhat raised a red flag for me. A makeup remover that cannot be used on the eyes? Hmmmm……I think a makeup remover should be able to remove all makeup, eye makeup included. And, I don’t think that’s me having unreachable expectations.

Overall, I was so sad that this product didn’t deliver. It’s such a great price, and from a wonderful brand. The biggest reason that it is not something I’ll continue to use or repurchase is that it doesn’t remove makeup. Plain and simple, it does not do what it claims to do. If you’ve had a different experience with this product, please let me know. Maybe I’m not using it correctly!

I hope this review was helpful for you!

Stay Glittery, Beauties!

xoxo,

Candice

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Miracle 7 Leave-In Mist Review

 

I get asked a lot about what hair products I use. Let me begin by saying that I have fine, somewhat limp hair, but i do have a massive amount of this fine limp stuff on my head. I don’t dye my hair, and haven’t dyed it in nearly a decade so it’s very healthy and not dry at all. And when left to dry naturally, one side of my hair tends to be really wavy while the other just looks stringy and unkempt, and not in that good beachy way. But what I completely lack is volume, and I have a ton of problems with tangles because my hair is so long and I wear it up a great deal.

Miracle 7 Leave In Mist, $13.29 available at Sally Beauty Supply
Miracle 7 Leave In Mist, $13.29 available at Sally Beauty Supply

I recently received a sample of this Miracle 7 Leave-In Mist, and I love this stuff! It claims to detangle, stop hair breakage, prevent split ends, seal and protect color, control frizz, and add shine.

After using it for about a month, I can say that I feel like it lives up to most of its claims. I’m not certain about the hair breakage and split ends because that happens to me no matter what I do or what products I use! I was mainly looking for it to detangle, control frizz, and add shine, and it more than delivered on those claims!

This stuff smells great – fresh, and slightly fruity, without being sweet. The mist isn’t heavy or oily, and you almost don’t even know it’s there after you put it on.

The directions state to “Shampoo and condition hair, towel dry, spray product all over hair and comb through. Blow dry or style as desired.” I followed the directions exactly, and found that after blow drying my hair that it did leave my hair a little heavier. I would think that if you have thicker, less fine, more voluminous hair, this shouldn’t be an issue for you. However, I was able to straighten my hair (definitely not curl it, as it wouldn’t have held a curl), and it left my hair silky smooth, frizz free, and very shiny!

At $13.29/bottle (5 oz.), I will definitely be repurchasing this one!

What’s your favorite post shower hair product?

Stay Glittery!

xoxo,

Candice

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Wino Wednesday: BASICS

I haven’t done a Wino Wednesday post in a while due to my travel schedule, so today I thought we could do a little basic crash course. These small bits of information will help you at a tasting, at a restaurant, learning your own palate, and purchasing at a grocery store.

BASIC TERMINOLOGY

Let’s start with a little basic terminology. Just learning these few words will help you in feeling more confident with the wine vernacular in multiple settings.

Acidity — Acidity refers to potency of the acids used in the fermenting process. A good wine will have a balanced acidity; balanced with the other aspects of the wine such as the tannins. Acidity is generally that “bite” you feel in the back of the mouth which is followed by the stimulation of the saliva glands. I personally find that white wines have a higher acidity to recognize, especially when I was beginning my wine journey.

Body — The body of the wine is the “weight” of the wine. Is it light? watery? medium? full? or any combination of those? A lighter wine may have the effect of cleansing or awakening the palate, whereas a full-bodied wine will have the feeling of coating or deadening the palate.

Old World vs. New World — When people refer to “Old World” wines, they are generally referring to wines made in Europe; whereas “New World” refers to wines made in the United States, South America, New Zealand, Australia, or South Africa. Old and New World wines have distinct characteristics simply based on their geographic locations and wine-making styles.

Oxidation — When a wine is exposed to oxygen during the wine-making process, any phase of production, in storage, and once opened, a chemical reaction occurs that can ruin the wine.

Tannins — Tannins are present in a wine because they come from the polymers found in the seeds, stems, and skins of the grapes which are transferred into the wine during the wine-making process. They lend richness and density, and are necessary for proper aging, especially in red wines. On your palate, tannins give you that “tongue sticking to the top of your mouth” feel, much like when you feed your dog a tablespoon of peanut butter.

Terroir — This is a French word that refers to the complex relationship between the climate and the soil type in which the grape(s) is grown. The specific and unique relationship between climate, soil type, hydration, drainage, etc. is what gives each wine from a specific location its unique character.

Varietal — A varietal is simply a specific type of grape. For example, Chardonnay is a single grape grown to make Chardonnay wine, so this would also be an example of a single varietal. Thus, a blend, will feature many different varietals.

Varietal Character — This is the term given to the unique characteristics commonly found in a single varietal, and encompasses odor, taste, and viscosity.

Vintage — The year the grape was harvested.

TASTING TERMINOLOGY

Everyone’s palate is different, but the nasal passages and the taste buds are very interconnected. The best advice I’ve ever received about tasting wine was this:

  • Practice. You’ll always get better with practice, and your palate will learn to differentiate between minute details in wine over time. So, that’s basically an invitation for me to drink more wine. Cool!
  • Test yourself. Open your spice cabinet and blindfold yourself. Smell what spices you have on hand and see if you can identify them blindfolded. This will help you distinguish certain aromas that are characteristic of specific wines, so that when you are tasting, for example, you’ll be able to easily distinguish between Old World and New World wines.

Appearance — how a wine appears in the glass should be a clue as to its quality and taste. It should be true to the varietal and inviting.

Smell/Aroma — Smell the wine before and after you swirl it in the glass. Swirl it gently to bring oxygen into the wine to “open” it up, this is called “aerating” the wine. Take deep breaths and make notes as to what you smell. There are no right and wrong terms, but there are common terms used. For example, a Chardonnay may smell like green apples, whereas a Pinot Noir will smell of bright red berries; and a Sauvignon Blanc will smell of green herbs and minerals. The great distinction in smell alone between Old World and New World wines is that Old World wines, especially red ones, tend to smell like wet mud on first sniff.

Aroma vs. Bouquet — Aroma generally refers to the primary smell of a young wine, whereas the Bouquet refers to the tertiary smell of an aged wine after the alcohol, enzymes, and acids within the wine have had time to “mingle” in both the cask and after bottling.

The initial taste of the wine is commonly called “the attack,” and is usually what you taste for the first three to five seconds of the sip. It encompasses how powerful the wine is, and its first impression, so to speak. Then, as the wine stays longer in the mouth, it moves to the “middle palate” where the wine’s complexity begins to showcase itself and the senses begin to become more obvious to the taster. The last part is called “the finish,” which refers to the aftertaste of the wine and how long certain flavors linger and/or disappear.

THE TASTING EXPERIENCE

Wine tasting is a purely sensory experience, so isolating your senses of smell, taste, and feel is helpful in wine tasting scenarios. Sometimes, isolating these and identifying them separately can be hard, but it just takes practice.

At a tasting you should expect the following:

  • good lighting (day time is preferable), comfortable temperature, and a well-ventilated space free from distracting smells/aromas
  • Clean, clear glassware specific to each wine you will be tasting. If you are provided one glass for a tasting of six wines, it is perfectly acceptable to ask for a clean glass, especially when going between champagne, rosé, white, and red wines.
  • Spittoons are very common, and can range from large buckets to individual paper cups. The more you drink, the less your palate functions for the next wine. Therefore, in formal tasting spitting is very common and encouraged.
  • Water for clearing the palate between wines.
  • Proper service, which includes well educated servers, cork screws, white napkins, etc.
  • Tasting Mats and/or Note Sheets are almost often provided. In a more formal tasting, you will expect a tasting mat, which showcases small circles corresponding to each wine you will be tasting. A separate sheet of paper to make your notes on aroma, taste, feel, and overall impression of the wine is almost always provided. I think the only time I have not been provided a tasting sheet is as a walk-in (or non-private tasting) at a tasting room at a vineyard and/or winery.
  • Sometimes you will also receive promotional materials describing each wine and its retail price should you decide to purchase.
  • Bread and/or crackers with little seasoning to aid in cleansing the palate between each wine.

MAJOR WHITE VARIETALS

  • Chardonnay — grows all over the world
  • Sauvignon Blanc — grows in France, United States (California), New Zealand, Australia, South Africa, and Chile
  • Riesling – grows in Germany, France, Austria, United States (California and Washington), Australia
  • Gewurtzraminer — grows in France, Germany, Austria, Italy, United States (California), and Canada
  • Pinot Gris/Pinot Grigio — grows in Italy, France, Germany, United States (Oregon and California), Australia, and New Zealand
  • Viogner — grows in France, United States, Australia, New Zealand, Chile, and South Africa

MAJOR RED VARIETALS

  • Cabernet Sauvignon — grows all over the world
  • Merlot — grows in France, Italy, Austria, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, Moldoova, Switzerland, United States (California and Washington), Australia, and New Zealand
  • Pinot Noir — grows in France (Burgundy and Champagne), Germany, Austria, Italy (Pinot Nero), Switzerland, United States (California, Oregon, and New York), Chile, New Zealand, Australia
  • Syrah/Shiraz — Syrah is the Old World name for this varietal, and Shiraz is the New World name for it. Grows in Australia, France (Rhone Valley and Languedoc), Switzerland, Greece, Spain, United States (Washington and California)
  • Zinfandel — grows in the United States (California), Italy
  • Grenache — grows in France (Rhone Valley), Australia, United States (California)
  • Cabernet Franc — grows in France
  • Sangiovese — Grows in Italy (the grape used to compose the majority of Chianti)
  • Tempranillo — grows in Spain, Portugal (Tinto Roriz), California, and Australia
  • Malbec — grows in France, Argentina

I hope you have enjoyed this little basics run down. I would love to hear your thoughts on which are your favorites! I’m a Pinot Noir girl at heart, and I cannot get enough of it no matter where it’s grown! My favorites tend to come from Burgundy, France; California, and the Willamette Valley in Oregon. But, I’ve been on a Tempranillo kick lately!!

If you’re interested in a specific varietal spotlight, let me know in the comments!!

Stay Glittery, Winos!

xoxo,

Candice

 

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Mink Muffs…Worst Date Ever

Mink Muffs

Let me begin this post by saying that it is not for the faint of heart. With that said, I hope you don’t have a weak stomach. And this isn’t suitable for children as there are some curse words in the following post.

I was set to go on a first date with a really cute guy, the kind of cute guy that you oogle over. He had a great athletic build and gorgeous blue eyes, and the straightest white teeth I’ve ever seen. Needless to say, I was so excited!! It was summer time in the South, and I knew we would be going to a higher end Mexican restaurant. Given the summertime South, I thought it would be appropriate to wear a cute little bright top with my white skinny jeans and some adorable little platform black heels. Looking cute? Check. Ready for this date? Check.

He picked me up in his super nice truck, and we were on our way. The margaritas were flowing, the food was great, and the conversation felt promising. Toward the end of the date, I started feeling a little gassy and nauseated. I thought it was just nerves, so I thought it would be okay to just let that gassy-ness go. It was certainly just a little silent one. Oh. MY. GOOOOODDDDDDDDDD. This was not anything I would have ever expected to happen to me.

It wasn’t a silent pass of gas, instead, it was a full on crap myself situation in white pants. Yes, you heard that right. I shat myself in white pants on FIRST a date at a Mexican restaurant. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?????? I HAVE THE WORST LUCK IN THE ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD. I’M NEVER DATING AGAIN.

I immediately excused myself to the bathroom. I thought that if I could haul ass to the ladies and clean myself up before it had time leave evidence on my white skinny jeans, I could escape this nearly unscathed. You should know by now that I don’t have that kind of luck. This is one of many reasons you should never take me gambling.

While in the bathroom, my brain was racing. Do I leave? How do I leave? I don’t have a ride, and this guy is way too nice to just stand up at the end of the meal. How in the hell am I going to get out of this with the least possible amount of humiliation?? I clean myself up as best as possible, which wasn’t much. My jeans were stained, I smelled like a manure factory, and I am about five minutes from having no semblance of dignity left. Fabulous! SERIOUSLY, Universe!!! In the whiniest internal voice possible, I scream in my head, “WWWWHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????”

I did the only thing I could do without completely ruining this guy’s self esteem, and I slipped out the back door of the restaurant. I called him at the table and explained, “We need to go. I’m not feeling well, and I’m standing in the back of the restaurant? Can we just go? I’m so so sorry for the abruptness of this request.” It was as nice as I could make it given the insanely offensive smell he was about to encounter. Then, it hit me, OMG, I have to ride in his single cab truck, which has a small interior. This smell is going to permeate everything! Just lovely.  He takes care of the check, and drives his truck around to the back of the restaurant. I then have to explain what has happened to him. His face contorts in the worst of ways, his nose wrinkles, and he looks like he is about to gag. Yay me! Despite this, he is generous and offers to take me home, on one condition, that I hang my ass out of the truck’s back sliding glass window. Well, whatever, at this point my crapped on ass going down the streets of my city is not the worst part of this story. I’ll survive.

He drove me home with my ass hanging out of the back of the window, stained with crap. It was the most humiliating moment of my life. He never called for that second date, despite the wonderful time we had prior to me crapping myself. I couldn’t have muffed this date any worse than I did. So, the moral of the story here is don’t crap yourself on a date. It’s just bad.

Stay Glittery, Daters!

xoxo,

Candice

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