This one will sound like a joke. Four ex-boyfriends walk into a bar…
My best friend and I went to see the very first Sex and The City movie together, and after getting dressed up to go to dinner and a movie, we thought we’d hit the bar for a drink.
We walked in, ordered our drinks and chose a patio table in the corner to talk girly things (you know, the Sex and the City fashion (Patricia Field, I love you), and of course, Mr. Big).
As we sat there talking, an ex from years past walked up and said hello. He sat. He chatted. This was not as awkward as I thought it would be… OMG I’M TOTALLY COOL, AWKWARD IS MY JAM. My emotions were running around slapping each other on the butt and chest- bumping like football players after a game-changing interception.
10 minutes later, another ex strolled up, sat and chatted. STILL COOL. 15 minutes later, another. BECOMING UNCOOL. NO, WHO AM I KIDDING? TOTALLY NOT COOL. This was beginning to feel like the “pick up” game. You know the one…I’m going to grandma’s and I’m bringing an apple. Ok, I’m going to grandma’s and I’m bringing an apple and a book. I’m going to gramdma’s, and I’m bringing an apple, a book, and…..
Another ex sits down to chat us up. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! AWKWARD IS SOOOO NOT MY JAM. THIS IS BEYOND WEIRD.
4 ex boyfriends. One me. One BFF. One table. Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe the panic in my head. My little thought processes were running circles around the synapses in my brain like little kids playing chase on a playground. They were screaming and hollering and crying and falling and getting all scraped up. THIS IS A CONSPIRACY!!! RIGHT? IT HAS TO BE A CONSPIRACY! Perhaps, or maybe just a well-timed joke courtesy of karma.
Thankfully, my wonderful BFF saved the day, and said we had another engagement to attend. We cashed out our tabs and left. No less than 10 minutes after leaving the bar, 3 of the 4 exes texted me. All different texts, all different innuendos.
Ex #1: “Hey, why did you leave? Well, it was good to see you.”
Ex #2: “Hey, come by my place after the bar closes?”
Ex #3: “Where’d you go? I was really hoping to talk to you about some things. You free tomorrow?”
Ex #2 (again): “No seriously, you’re still really hot. Can I see you naked later?”
Ex #2 (again): “When can I see you again?”
Um, no thanks guys. Appreciate ya.
So glad I got out of that one alive, sober, and unable to make any ridiculous mistakes.
To my BFF, thank you. Cheers to you for saving me on so many occasions! I seriously owe you.
Stay Glittery, Daters!