Written by Candice Rodgers, Amanda Wicks, and Christine Halling
Welcome to the new series!! Here’s how it will progress: each installment will include a wine review and discussion of a dating topic from the perspective of the following scenario:
You and your friends have gotten together for drinks, and inevitably someone poses a dating question. Two bottles of wine changes the perspective…sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad, but always for the funny. That’s where each post will begin.
There may be guest writers, co-writes, and group-writes throughout this series. I cannot promise you that we won’t be drinking wine when we write these. I hope you enjoy!
WINE OF THE WEEK:
This Cotes du Rhone by Caves du Fournalet (France) is a great drinking/table wine for the price. It’s only $6 at Trader Joe’s!!! It’s light, airy, and smooth, so it goes down the hatch easily. (You’ve been warned!) It’s a blend of Shiraz/Syrah, Grenache Noir, and Mourvedre. On the palate this has a lightly sweetened dark cherry and cinnamon spice (and everything nice) taste with hints of herbal citrus. While it is a great drinking wine, it’s not the best for food-pairing. However, if you would like to try some pairings, I’d recommend it with beef, lamb, spicy foods, and/or hard cheeses. This is great wine to serve at dinner parties because the price point allows for the purchase of multiple bottles, and I’ve never met someone who didn’t love this one. Even if your guests are not big red wine drinkers, this could be a great introduction. Grab it. You’ll love it.
HOW TO GET OUT OF A BAD DATE
We’ve all been on that craptastic date where you can’t decide if you would rather eat the food in front of you or be the food in front of you. This topic just so happened to come up when a friend and I were chatting and drinking on the phone. Since we seem to be the only single ladies left in our group of friends, it turned into a pretty funny conversation. I know you probably don’t want dating advice from single people but, at the very least, it’s funny. So, join us. Our struggle is real.
I once went on a date that lasted nearly eight hours. I’m serious! WHO GOES ON AN 8 HOUR FIRST DATE??? WHO PLANS AN 8 HOUR FIRST DATE? I could go on about how preposterous this is, but I won’t. Going into it, I had no idea that it would be that long. The arranged plan seemed only to consist of about three to four hours, and I was genuinely looking forward to it. The guy was great – sweet, gentlemanly, intelligent, and humorous – but the chemistry wasn’t there for me, and I was getting clear vibes it was there for him. About four hours into the date, I began to get antsy because I felt like I was constantly (and nicely) thwarting off his very forward advances, and I felt awkward. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or be rude because he was very much someone with whom I’d like to be friends. But it did not occur to me until the sixth hour that I could leave – like actually make up an excuse and leave the date. While this seems so elementary, I just never thought of it as a viable option. Eventually, in hour seven, I made an excuse that wrapped everything up so I could leave. Without it, I’m afraid I would still be on that date.
So, I posed this question to my girls and later on Facebook, and here are all the ways people have gotten out of a bad date:
Wine Consumption: 1 glass
- If you’re not sure whether this date will go well or if you are meeting the guy for the first time, arrange to meet as individuals so you will have a vehicle at your disposal. It can be your vehicle or what I like to call a DDD (Designated Date Driver). Have a friend who is willing to rescue you at a moment’s notice to serve as your DDD. If those are not options for you, call a cab service and set it up for a specific time. You can always sneak to the bathroom and cancel your cab in the event the date goes well.
- Pre-arrange a deadline or time frame within which you can meet. Try something along the lines of “I’d love to meet up with you, but I need to be somewhere at 9:00pm, so perhaps we could meet for 6:30 or 7:00pm?” If you know the date can only last an hour or two, you can see the end in sight.
- Arrange to have a friend call or text you at intervals throughout the date to fake an emergency, giving you a good excuse to leave early without hurting anyone’s feelings. This could encompass anything from picking up your niece/nephew to a work situation.
- Be honest. Tell the other person this isn’t going well for you. Offer to pay your portion of the bill (if there is one), and politely exit.
- Feign illness, especially if your date is making you sick.
- If you have kids, any excuse, even a tangentially kid-related excuse, should do the trick.
- Have a friend miraculously be at the same place of your date, so she can crash the date upon a single “SOS” text.
- If you have pets, you can use the excuse that you have to get home because you didn’t feed them, walk them, or your pet is recovering from surgery, etc.
Wine Consumption: 2-3 glasses
- Immediately place yourself in the “friend zone” by offering to set him up with a friend.
- Create a wardrobe malfunction. Break the heel off your shoe, break your bra strap, rip your pants or skirt, etc. This works as long as you aren’t wearing your favorite item, and you’ll get an instant out because you can’t very well walk or dance without a heel on your shoe. Am I right?
- Be obnoxious so the other person leaves. I don’t recommend this one as it can come across childish and very passive-aggressive. Think à la Kate Hudson’s character in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. What’s his womanly weakness/hatred/pet peeve? Play that ish up.
- Depending on how awful or offensive this date is, excuse yourself to the bathroom, find a compassionate waitress, pay your bill, call a cab, and slip out the back door – celebrity style. Let the waiter/waitress deliver the news. This one may only be suitable in extremely offensive/fearful circumstances.
- Talk about your “cat,” and when I say “cat” I mean your seven cats. Hell, you may have even named them in honor of the seven dwarfs.
Wine Consumption: 4 glasses, AKA two bottles down!! Someone make a run to the store!
- Just like in high school, you had to go home and clean up when you started your period. This works on dates too. The line, “I’m so sorry and this is insanely embarrassing, but I’ve just started my period and I really need to get home.” Guys hate period talk, so bring your best sincere grossness to the game.
- Talk incessantly about your ex-boyfriend, especially how you plan to plot their demise. This is a fool-proof way to get this person super uninterested.
- Use an app on your phone to create your future wedding photo, and talk incessantly about how much you NEED to be married.
- Ask him/her to choose baby names with you. Oh yeah. And pick the most putrid names you can think of and be really passionate about them. Or the simpler version, gush about your friends’ babies like they are your own, because let’s face it they might as well be.
- Show him/her your recent matches on Tinder, Match.com, or wherever you happen to be trolling for people to date. But wait, what if this particular date already swiped left on Tinder? AWWWK-ward.
- Tell him/her how much you hate sex because sex brings up emotions and you’re “like a super emotional person, but totally in a good way.” Basically, as they told Lexi Grey on Grey’s Anatomy, “Your heart is in your vagina.” I bet money you’ll be in the next cab/car heading home.
Thank you to all my friends who have shared their stories with me for this post! Love you all. Special thanks to Amanda Wicks (please visit her site here) and Christine Halling for their fabulous additions/edits to this post. Have you ever used any of these to get out of a bad date? If so, tell us about it in the comments! We’d love to hear your stories too!