butler please go overboard

It was just a random night out with my boyfriend and his friends, or so I thought. I had no idea the night would end with my snot all over my boyfriend’s face.

My boyfriend and his friends picked me up to take me to the party. The party was fine, nothing special about this one. It was just like any other Saturday night, except I was just getting over a cold.

On the ride home, my boyfriend and I sat in the back seat of the car, with his friends in the driver and passenger seats, respectively. About ten minutes from my house, we started making out, you know, just to get in some good tonsil hockey before we pulled into my driveway. During this makeout session, his friend seated in the passenger seat said something ridiculously funny which caused me to express the laugh through my nose, seeing as how my mouth and tongue were currently in use. As this force of air expelled through my nasal passages, my cold of yesterday roared its ugly head and snot spurted from my nose onto his face, mouth, and lips like a fire hose being turned on at full force. He was basically drinking my snot at this point. MAN OVERBOARD, MAN OVERBOARD!! He’s going to drown!!

So, I sit in the backseat forced with the question “WHAT DO I DO NOW?” Butler, please?? Can I get a tiny freaking Butler the size of the Snap, Crackle, Pop characters to come magically clean this up?? I mean, I am in a car, there is no escape. The friends have full knowledge this is happening and they are laughing so hard they are crying. Thank God it was dark because I would rather not have seen the disgust and shock on my boyfriend’s face. So, I did the only thing I could think of, and I used my sleeve to wipe his face and mine. Guess I’ll have to be my own butler. Duly noted, universe. Obviously, there was no making out after that abysmal performance.

I was never so happy to pull into my driveway and exit a car. I’m not even sure I said goodbye. I think I just got out and walked inside. Fortunately, he was pretty cool about it. I don’t remember hearing about it from him or his friends, but I’m certain they all had a pretty good laugh about it on multiple occasions.

Moral of the Story: Do not makeout when you are sick, even if you think you are well. You’re obviously not.

Stay Glittery, Daters!



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